A Look Back on Sophomore Year

Well, peeps, here it is! My look back on sophomore year.

Friends Paige, Hayley, Thomas, and Kara at the start of the year block party

A year ago, I was writing about my freshman year  and keeping my mouth somehow shut over my latest expensive purchase. A puppy.

Machen was the most rebellious thing I ever did in my life. All I had was an internet receipt, a drop in my bank account, a pixellated photo, and an address from back in Oklahoma to prove he was mine. And I didn't tell either parent. 

Thankfully, he was a hit. Good thing, too. It's been a crazy year. 

50 credits, multiple jobs, and newfound social anxiety and depression in one year can lead to a lot of stress. And it did. A lot of stress. But what matters about stress is what you do with it. 

I calculated how many hours of free time I had in a week to myself, not counting the Sabbath, and it came out to about ten, assuming I spent half an hour on meals and didn't have extra homework. So I made some rules for myself. 

1. No matter how stressed, tired, or anxious I was, I would not skip church. 

2. I would not ask for an extension unless I absolutely needed it (I was given one without asking that I ended up not using, and I asked for a couple in the spring after catching the flu). 

3. I would not self-medicate with junk food, television, and excessive me time. 

I don't list these things to brag, because everyone has different burdens and workloads in life, and everyone has different ways to handle it and differing needs. But personally, I could not sit through church history and European history, reading about the martyrdom of St. Perpetua, nor look at the struggles of some of my brothers and sisters around me, and allow myself to complain over a workload I took on myself. It's a matter of perspective and a matter of prayer. I did not always handle things right, and my closest friends and family can tell you that, but I learned that God will always give us the exact amount of grace we need for each day. Not more, not less. 

I did not always rest in that. Often my anxiety would break me down at the end of every long day as my mind, shattered by a bad social explosion that occurred last summer, would replay everything on a loop and show me everything I did wrong. I walked around wide-eyed, terrified every breath I took and every word that slipped past my lips was hurting someone and pushing them away. I would look in the mirror and see scars in my eyes and my smile. 

But part of the problem was that my 21st century heart wanted instant healing, and I learned that takes a lot of time. I didn't have a lot of time, so that led to a lot of multitasking. Healing does not mean binging on self-comfort. It means prayer. It means learning that the results we want, the gifts we think we have, and the work we want to offer may not be what God has planned for us. It means learning to do the next thing. 

That said, a lot of really amazing things happened my sophomore year. And if I had chosen to succumb to myself, my feelings, and what I expected it to be, I would have missed out on a lot of it. 

Last summer, I got hired as an associate at Talbot's. It was good timing, because our air conditioning went out in our house shortly afterward, and it gave me a normal, drama and stress-free, professional environment to interact with people. At the time, I was the youngest employee there by a good amount, but I've learned a lot from my coworkers, whether small things like how to properly make toffee, where to vacation if I ever go to Mexico, and how to pull off any outfit, and also some big things, like learning to minister/be a light in small ways in the public sphere, how to be a great teacher someday, and how to be relationship/street/financially smart. I think my mom appreciated that a lot of what they said echoed a lot of what she already taught me, just in different words! 

Fall came quickly, even if it didn't cool off until November. It was an insanely busy semester, but looking back, all of my classes were highly enjoyable. Even the infamous "running class." Every morning, I walked and jogged around the track with my friend Garrett, half awake and watching the sun rise from behind the Beaver River's fog. In Humanities 203, I played philosophical translator for my engineering classmates and got the best of sleep-deprived Dr. Frazier, including the bushy-squirrel dance. Psychology gave me the chance to befriend some freshmen and exchange puppy photos with my friend Karly. This was around the same time that the clown scares happened, and every Monday night we'd book it from Northwood to the apartments, Karly's pepper spray in tow. 

My favorite class of the semester, however, was ancient and medieval church history. So much so, that I came congested and sick one day and refused to leave when Dr. Curtis stopped mid-lecture to suggest I go to bed. I refused. He was talking about gnosticism and I wanted to hear about it. And during the infamous power outage, I was probably the only student that was glad class wasn't canceled as a result! As soon as the lights blinked out, Dr. Curtis glanced around, and without a beat asked us all to raise our hands. We obeyed, confused. He leaned over his desk, grinning ear to ear', and said, "Many hands make light work." 

It was also the first class that got me seriously thinking about pursuing higher education in scholarship, specifically in the Nicene Creed and contemporary heresies. We'll see if God opens those doors, but at the very least, I've found the field I'm most passionate about. 

One of my favorite things about the fall semester, as crammed and exhausting as it was, was the chance to be the marching band photographer. I learned quickly how to run at top speed up and down bleachers and how to crack musician jokes. I'm really looking forward to the position again this fall. Maybe I'll finally get Hot Hot Hot and Sierra Sister out of my head and stop calling the color guard "flag people." 

I also once again participated in FilmFest this year. Randon, the director of the student activities on campus, caught sight of me dropping my DVD off for entrance and, probably thinking my new video was similar to last year's Student Bride, expressed excitement over laughing at whatever was on the disc. Except this year, my film was hardly comedy. On an icy day in late October, in one hour, I shot my film Absent, and edited it in about two hours. I got the idea while scrubbing tables in the dining hall after bemoaning the fact I didn't know what to do for FilmFest, and put the whole thing together the same week. I thank God for how flawlessly the whole thing went, down to the weather setting the exact mood. It was fun because only sophomores and freshmen participated, and no one knew what the film was about except for my good friend Kara, whose beautiful hair and the October wind made for a gorgeous and haunting promotional poster. 

Promotional thumbnail for Absent featuring my poster girl and lovely friend Kara 

My Red Carpet VIP crew (Laura, Annie, Ashley, Cassie, myself, Thomas, Ariadne, Kara). Since there were so many volunteer extras, I held a drawing for my VIP tickets. Thomas rolled with it and made for a good escort  for all seven of us girls! 

While Absent came for second for the most popular picture (comedy seems to reign FilmFest), I didn't care. What struck me most was the several minute drop dead silence that followed the credits. I had delivered my message. That's all I wanted. You can watch it here. 

Altogether it was an interesting fall. The year started with a stinkbug plague, a power outage, flooding, a presidential inauguration, a very early homecoming (that my family came to!) and general business. Christmas break was welcome when it came, but this year, we added a plate to the table. 

When your first college friend has nowhere to go for the break and hasn't had a real American Christmas before, you fly him out to Oklahoma and have an awesome time. I had to work over quite a bit of break, but when I came home, Josh was usually either playing with the dog or my brothers. He fit in easily and the little kids at church regularly ask after him. Personally, after struggling a lot with social anxiety, it was a real blessing to have a good friend around. We hope you had a great time, Josh, because we certainly did. 

The spring was not quite as busy as the fall, but almost. It snowed a lot early on. Several nights were particularly beautiful on campus. The lamps on the crosswalk sent crisscrossing gold stripes across the darkness, and it was so quiet you could almost hear the snow falling. 

My classes in the spring included statistics with the hilarious Mrs. Key, educational psychology and foundations of education with the lovely Dr. Trotter (who always managed to make me feel better no matter how bad my day was just by being herself), and my first field experiences for education. I discovered through this class I want to teach even more than I originally thought I did, that being homeschooled won't impair my ability to teach in a classroom, and that I work well with special needs high schoolers. However, being first and foremost a historian, my favorite classes were Middle East with Dr. Doyle and Ancient European with Dr. Smidt. 

Dr. Doyle probably didn't enjoy Middle East as much as I did for the singular reason it was a night class, which is not exactly his favorite, but I learned so much from the class about Islam and the influence of the past on current topics. No upperclassmen spoke badly of this class and I quickly realized why. Dr. Doyle is a very intense lecturer (I'm always just slightly concerned he's going to give himself an aneurysm) and while he often denies it with a smile, is extremely well-versed in his fields. I caught him reading a book on how to read ancient Persian on break once and I'm partially convinced he's incognito Indiana Jones. I can't wait to take Global Christianity with him in the fall. 

No week was ever a rough week thanks to Dr. Smidt, who always had a bucket of chocolate for us students. She's definitely one of Geneva's most underrated professors, always so sweet and encouraging, and easily integrating faith into the subject of history while also making history an accessible and interesting topic for non-history majors. She's also incredibly smart. Thanks to her, I actually got interested in Roman history again, which used to be one of my least favorite historical topics. I admire her especially for how much she juggles on her plate while always still managing to be put together, cheerful, and willing to sit in the Brig with me to talk about what it's like being a lady in what's largely a men's field, while interested especially in a very narrow focal point of history. I'm extremely excited to take Europe II and III with her next year. 

In January, I got the amazing opportunity to go to March for Life. It was freezing but highly worth it. You can see a video I put together here. 

I also enjoyed being a part of Grace Notes even more this year. The group was larger this year and since our rehearsal time overlapped with dinner, our lovely director would bring us the nicest soups and snacks, and we would sit and sing together. Grace Notes became a break for me from the rest of life, and we bonded on a whole different hilarious level over choir tour. 

Speaking of Genevans' tour, probably the biggest highlight of any Genevan's spring is tour. This year we went to Florida, which was a little sentimental for me as I grew up hearing stories about my parents' tour in Florida in 1989. I grew a lot closer with different choir members, whether ordering gluten free pizza at midnight or wandering around Paula Dean's neighborhood, and got to meet and hear the testimonies of so many wonderful host families. We went everywhere from the mountains of West Virginia to balmy Cocoa Beach, and closed out with a solemn and snowy moment under chemtrails and a bright blue sky at the Flight 93 Memorial. 

Perhaps my favorite song we sang was "Do Not Be Afraid." It was incredibly comforting and beautiful.

Currently, Genevans is raising money so that we can hold our international tour in Europe, which desperately needs the Gospel. It will be amazing to bring back the music of our Lord to churches that have been cold and empty for so long. If you would like to help support me so that I can go (I need it! :) ), whether monetarily or through prayer, contact me for more information. 

We also got the opportunity to record a CD for Crown and Covenant, singing the Psalms of Ascent as found in the Book of Psalms for Worship. Keep an eye out for it, it should be coming soon! 

Some other opportunities I got this spring included seeing the opening night of Turnadot at the Benedum with my DASH group (which was phenomenal, and I don't even care for opera that much), photographing several wonderful senior recitals, and going to PNC Park for a Yankees/Pirates game. 

And then as soon as I got home for the summer, off my family went for an amazing trip to the Grand Canyon and the Painted Desert. 

So there's the year in a nutshell, and it would've been much harder if it were not for God's grace and for my family (props to my mom who was willing to FaceTime me at the oddest hours) and for my friends. To Kara for being so loyal and kind, to Josh for everything, to Megan for the wonderful coffee dates and uplifting conversations, to Peter for the singing lessons and hugs and joy, to Connor for getting the knots out of my shoulders and always listening to everyone, to Alyssa for the newfound friendship and understanding, to Matt for singing Phantom with me and the encouragement, to my DASH group for being a place of respite and fellowship, to Grace OPC for the hospitality, encouragement, and support. There's almost too much to write here and too many people to thank, more than I can list here, but I only hope I can bless all of you the way you've blessed me in the past year! 

But before I close this blogpost, there's probably something some of you are curious about. 

Thomas first asked me out at the Genevans' hayride and bonfire in 2015, freshman year for both of us.  A lot happened between then and this June, when we officially became a dating couple, including theology discussions, emails with my dad, and a growing friendship that's become such a blessing to me. For those of you who don't know him, Thomas is a civil engineering major from eastern Ohio. We met in choir, and as of April a member of Grace OPC where I attend during the school year. He plays multiple instruments besides having a wonderful voice, is highly intelligent and handy, and likes to make me laugh. He's very patient, honest, has a zeal for truth and the Word, and is always concerned about those around him to a fault. Simply put, he is my best friend, and I am excited to see what the Lord has in store for us. 

Some things I learned this year:

1. Joy does not require us to be happy in the American sense. Joy is, to paraphrase C.S. Lewis, a taste of eternity, even if we are suffering or struggling. 

2. God gives us the exact amount of grace we need each day for what we are going through: not more, not less.

3. Sometimes we miss God's answers to prayer because they didn't come in the form we were looking for. 

4. Honesty and healthy direct conflict (with the goal of fixing the situation at hand) are necessary for good friendships.

5. Sometimes we don't utilize the gifts God wants us to use because we are too focused on gifts we'd rather have.

6. There are few things as refreshing as good Christian fellowship. 

That said, it was a busy, busy year, but a good one overall. I am even more excited to start Junior year, as almost all of my core requirements are finished, and I'll get more of a taste of what it's like to be a history teacher. As I said last year, God has certainly blessed me.