Christian Moms and Manicures: The Hypermoralization of Marketed Care Culture

 

Self-care. 

Often, for the working woman or any young mother, those two words are culturally reduced to rosé and a random collection of pleasant-smelling bath and body products found in Target. And strangely, there has appeared, in the last ten years, a morality attached to these things amongst Christian women. 

What is labeled as self-care is often a marketed image of a combination of treats and functional tasks: a woman with painted nails kicks back in a candle-lit bath with a glass of wine after a day at Target and Starbucks. And, not going to lie, that is something I enjoy myself on the regular. For other women it is workouts, for others it is skincare routines. But these things suddenly become selfish once a woman has children to care for alongside herself. 

Treats: Things purchased or consumed or practiced for enjoyment and for quality of life and beauty. 

Functional tasks: Spiritual wellbeing, sleep, food, functional spaces in the home, bodily cleanliness and wellbeing 

There is a correct concern amongst Christian mothers to react against potential neglect of children, both physical and emotional, as well as financial stability, but this reaction can often become misguided into a sort of virtual signaling about the treats (this mommy doesn't wear makeup!) and sometimes the functional tasks (this mommy hasn't showered in a WEEK! LOL) that other women around them choose, ultimately insinuating that to choose these treats or functional tasks must somehow result in neglect of home and child. 

This merely contributes to a modern fracturing of Christian parenthood into a competition rather than a healthy community. Imputing morality onto preferences and making them into moral choices assumes the worst of fellow parents in the Christian community. We know that energy and money are exhaustible. Within Christian liberty, many of the choices that fellow parents make on how to spend both energy and money are not sinful. Many of those choices are very different: the woman who chooses to dress herself better than her child may have a child that likes to roll around in the mud and is happier for it. The woman who chooses to get a manicure once in awhile likely spends that money in such a place rather than buying decor on Amazon the way that her friend does. The woman that chooses to keep her house spotless may do so in exchange for ready-made meals, and her friend who has a cluttered home may let the dust rest another day (or five) in exchange for making an elaborate dinner for her family. 

These choices are not moral choices. They are ultimately choices of preference and culture and function. We know this, yet in our insecurity as a minority in a judgy world we seek to find security in tearing down areas of true Christian liberty by treating such choices as moral transactions rather than personal preferences. In reality we are simply forcing morality on modern culture's hyper-marketing of consumer personalities. There really is no moral difference between the color of toys and clothes a woman chooses for her children. There genuinely is no moral difference between whether she spends her time to herself falling asleep to a True Crime drama or resting in the bathtub. There is, however, a problem if we assume any sister in Christ is doing so to the neglect of her charges simply because she consumes consumables and energy differently than ourselves. And we are not a martyr for choosing differently or depriving ourselves of those things. 

This is not to say that neglect is nonexistent, or that addictions and overindulgence are imaginary. But if we look around the pews on Sunday morning, most of our fellow women in the pews are not abandoning their children in favor of their gym membership, their book club, their Hobby Lobby trips, or their massages. We focus so much on moralizing these treats and lifestyle choices that it can cause us to ignore when women in and outside the church genuinely need help with functional tasks and needs like mental/spiritual health and physical needs. With the pandemic ongoing, the frequency of peri/postpartum depression, anxiety, and rage are at all time highs. Instead of concerning ourselves with the lifestyle choices of other middle class Christian moms in a misguided but well-intended reaction toward consumer culture, we should be watching where we can help with functional needs so that women can take care of themselves, their marriages, and most importantly, their relationship with the Lord first. 

We are not called to self-deprive. Modern mothers are not the ultimate martyrs, though they are often elevated to such. Motherhood, while sanctifying, does not truly sanctify us: Christ does. And we better serve him by being a Dorcas, working to ensure the functional wellbeing of others, than by wasting ink and energy on imposing morality on consumer choices. 

That said, if you really do want that manicure, this is your sign to go get it (if you are able). It isn't a sin.